{"id":58184,"date":"2023-08-28T05:00:41","date_gmt":"2023-08-28T09:00:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.torontonightclub.com\/ca\/?p=58184"},"modified":"2023-08-28T00:36:51","modified_gmt":"2023-08-28T04:36:51","slug":"how-to-flirt-according-to-a-bartender","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.torontonightclub.com\/ca\/how-to-flirt-according-to-a-bartender\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Flirt, According to a Bartender"},"content":{"rendered":"

There are not a lot of professions left where \u201cbeing a good flirt\u201d is a healthy and celebrated\u00a0characteristic \u2014 and that\u2019s probably a good thing. But bartenders? Well, they still get to have fun if they want to. That\u2019s why we consider this 35-year-old bisexual bartender in Tribeca an expert. \u201cFlirting is a life skill I was born with,\u201d she says. \u201cSo why not convert that into a job that pays well and sometimes results in mind-blowing sex with the exact person I planned to seduce and sleep with?\u201d She estimates that she goes on about one date a month with a customer. \u201cI\u2019ve never been the hottest girl at the bar, as a customer or a bartender,\u201d she says. \u201cAnd yet, I know that at any bar or party I can get anyone I want.\u201d Here are her tips.<\/p>\n

1. Don\u2019t give your life story.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>

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I try to be low-key alluring. Just interesting and conversational enough that someone is curious about you, but still reserved enough that they need to know more. Make them wonder if you\u2019re straight or queer; make them wonder if you\u2019re smart or dumb; make them wonder if you\u2019re monogamous or poly. You can show a flash of your true self, of course, but don\u2019t reveal too much, not until they\u2019re invested in you and you are dating.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s an example: The other night I was bartending and a guy came in to have a drink before his date, which was at a restaurant nearby. He wanted to take the edge off and ordered a beer. I was like, \u201cLet me guess \u2026 you have a first date tonight?\u201d I just knew. Anyway, he unloaded all this shit about the perils of online dating. We laughed. We commiserated a little, just enough that he knew I was single and available-ish. But I didn\u2019t share anything about myself, really. I intentionally held back. He doesn\u2019t need to know that I\u2019m looking to fall in love, that I\u2019m worried about getting older and not having kids \u2026 hell no! This approach is the polar opposite of being desperate.<\/p>

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Who knows what happened on his date, but he followed me on Insta later that night and has since asked me to dinner. Boom.<\/p>\n

2. Eye contact really works \u2014 but make it subtle.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Rule No. 1, don\u2019t be too aggressive with your eyes. Don\u2019t stare! Don\u2019t be scary! Let them catch you checking them out, then quickly look away. You\u2019re just planting a little seed. And if you\u2019re chatting, remember that your eyes are a reflection of your inner life, so if you\u2019re truly engaged, it will show in your eyes.<\/p>\n

3. Try some light touch.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Here\u2019s where you have to remember that straight men, specifically, are very simple creatures. If you touch their knee, they\u2019re going to respond and they\u2019re going to probably want to fuck you. I\u2019m not saying that\u2019s a good thing \u2014 these guys can be total buffoons when you\u2019re just being friendly and they assume it means you\u2019re gonna bang. But let\u2019s assume this is a straight-male buffoon who you\u2019re actually interested in. A little knee touch, mid-story, is a good move. You\u2019re telling him about your best friend from college who made millions of dollars off her vegan skin-care line but secretly she gets drunk and eats Chick-fil-A every night, and he\u2019s laughing. You touch his knee, like, \u201cI know, right?\u201d It\u2019s like a quick brush of the leg. He\u2019s yours after that.<\/p>\n

If it\u2019s a woman you\u2019re flirting with, you can always be like, \u201cWait, let me fix this piece of hair\u201d and just brush her bangs to the left a bit. Hair, ears, neck \u2014 works for me and works for most women. But be delicate and make it fast! You need to take the temperature. And by all means, if the person seems uncomfortable by being touched, even for a millisecond, apologize immediately and don\u2019t do it again!<\/p>\n

(In my experience, if you\u2019re queer, you\u2019re going to be better than most at the flirt game. You\u2019re going to cut through the bullshit more naturally. You\u2019re going to say, \u201cAre you single? I think you\u2019re really sexy.\u201d And voil\u00e0: It\u2019s either happening or it\u2019s not.)<\/p>\n

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4. Don\u2019t get too drunk, especially if it\u2019s a first date.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

First dates are all so high stakes in this era, because the dating inventory is so big and everyone is looking for red flags. It\u2019s like, you go on a first date not<\/em> looking for a special connection but, instead, to find out what\u2019s wrong with this person. So sadly, you have to handle a first date with precision instead of a carefree romantic approach. Which means don\u2019t get too drunk. Don\u2019t show all your cards. You can float some things that make you human and unique \u2014 a crossroads at work, some family drama. I personally think you can talk about exes, but don\u2019t sound too messy.<\/p>\n

As far as flirting, you can ask them to try your drink (\u201cTake a sip \u2026\u201d); you can hint that you like sex or that sex is important to you, if that\u2019s your truth. I was recently on a first date and said something like, \u201cThe sexual chemistry with my ex was off, and sex is really important to me.\u201d And it was in that moment that this guy was, like, fully locked in.<\/p>\n

5. Pick up their tab.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

If you like someone, buy them a drink or pay for their dinner. It\u2019s simple. I can assure you, at my bar, the girls want the guys to pay for them. As would I. It\u2019s brutally awkward when the guy asks to split the bill with the girl. With queer couples, it\u2019s usually clear who is going to pick up the bill or they very seamlessly just split it. If you don\u2019t have any money or you\u2019re struggling, find a way to take that person out without it being expensive.<\/p>\n

I once dated a struggling writer who texted, \u201cI\u2019ll be honest, I don\u2019t have a lot of money right now, but I\u2019d love to meet you on a pretty park bench and bring you a lemonade.\u201d I went on that date. We shared a lemonade. It was wildly romantic. This was the same guy who said, mid-date, \u201cDo you think we should get the awkward first kiss over with now? Then we don\u2019t have to worry about it later. Also, if the kiss isn\u2019t great, we\u2019ll know that we should probably just be friends.\u201d It was a totally neurotic thing to say but I personally loved it. The kiss was nice, but I wanted to be friends nonetheless \u2026 and we are still great friends!<\/p>\n

6. No boring texts.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

I think text-flirting is pretty important to get right. It\u2019s a balancing act. Don\u2019t write boring texts with no meaning or innuendo, but don\u2019t love-bomb someone or send a million eggplant emojis, either. I say make each text count. Give each text a flirtatious undertone. Emojis go a long way. There\u2019s a big difference between writing, \u201cSee you tonight at 7!\u201d and \u201cSee you tonight at 7\u201d plus a pink-lips emoji.<\/em> Fuck it!<\/p>\n

–Alyssa She lasky<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

There are not a lot of professions left where \u201cbeing a good flirt\u201d is a healthy and celebrated\u00a0characteristic \u2014 and that\u2019s probably a good thing. But bartenders? Well, they still get to have fun if they want to. That\u2019s why we consider this 35-year-old bisexual bartender in Tribeca an expert. \u201cFlirting is a life skill […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":58185,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[48],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-58184","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Flirt, According to a Bartender Nightclub Photos - TorontoNightclub.com<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.torontonightclub.com\/ca\/how-to-flirt-according-to-a-bartender\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How to Flirt, According to a Bartender Nightclub Photos - TorontoNightclub.com\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"There are not a lot of professions left where \u201cbeing a good flirt\u201d is a healthy and celebrated\u00a0characteristic \u2014 and that\u2019s probably a good thing. 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